I’d like to thank the NCAA for providing me with material for today’s (ok, this summer’s) rambling.

As sports fans have most likely heard by now the NCAA succeeded in an attempt to further sissify us in this country at a time when we need to show strength, not weakness. They have adopted a new policy to prohibit NCAA member colleges and universities from displaying hostile and abusive racial, ethnic, and national origin mascots, nicknames or imagery at any of the 88 NCAA championships.

What this means is that any school that has a mascot that conjures up images of Indians…uh, Native Americans?…umm…INJUNS…have to come up with some clever NEW names, and most likely new uniforms, to try to win a national championship.

This, of course, is politically correct incrementalism that should bother anyone with any sense. And, yes, if it doesn’t bother someone I am claiming that he or she (God forbid I just say "he") lacks sense.

While some would claim that I would, as a result, lack compassion or couth I would laugh at them and not care what he/she/it says.

The next step that is logical for the NCAA to take is to continue to look at its list of school nicknames and take that word "hostile" and apply it further.

The U of DE will soon need to change its nickname from the Fightin’ Blue Hens to something far more passive. We should not allow our teams to intimidate others needlessly by insinuating that they may be capable of fighting in a game, whether literally or by trying too hard to win.
Also the word blue will have to go since classifying a Hen as blue, black, white, yellow, or red is clearly racist.
What we should have left then are the Delaware Hens. I am sure that Delaware would not have more trouble adding teams to its schedule since the new name brings to mind a picture of a nice, warm, cozy place to lay one’s hat and have some cocoa.

Delaware is a rather liberal state, or I should say at least New Castle County is, so I am sure that all of this sounds like a great idea to those of that persuasion. I can see the debates beginning already amongst the elitists who believe that real competition between two teams using psychological ploys to attempt to gain an edge is either passe or gauche.

So, with that in mind, lets take a look at what new nicknames might be more appropriate to those in this country who insist that we emasculate our population.
Lets start with the Ursuline and Concord Raiders. We just simply cannot let competitors think that those two lovely teams might do something as vile as to partake in a raid during a game. So how about changing them to the Ursuline Unsure and the Concord Cream Puffs?
We have a couple of teams with the nickname Bulldogs (why there are more than one was the subject of a much earlier rambling in this section.) Bulldogs are clearly far too aggressive for our new way of life so lets change Brandywine’s name to the Brandywine Babies and Laurel’s to the Laurel Lillies.
The AI duPont Tigers? How about the AI duPont Doormats?
The Tatnall Hornets? We can’t suggest that their opponents can be stung any longer, so lets try the Tatnall Tenders.
Down in Dover we can change the Polytech Panthers to the Polytech Pansies, the Dover Senators (because politicians are the most offensive people around and I insist on this change) to the Dover Daisies, and the Caesar Rodney Riders (because we should not abuse animals like that) to the Caesar Rodney Sissies.
The Caravel Buccaneers will become the Caravel Cowards. The Milford Buccaneers can call themselves the Milford Milquetoast.
The Seaford Blue Jays are almost in the clear, but again that racist overtone will have to go.
The Woodbridge Blue Raiders, the Sussex Central Golden Knights and the Mt. Pleasant Green Knights are all doubly guilty so the penalty for Woodbridge is that now they are the Wussies. Mt. Pleasant is now the Pussycats (that one will change all by itself amongst the student bodies around the state.) Sussex Central becomes the Softies.
In the NCC Vo-Tech district the Delcastle Cougars are now the Delcastle Delicates. The Hodgson Silver Eagles change to the Hodgson Half-Hearted, and the Howard Wildcats are now the Howard Hesitant. At Sussex Tech those nasty Ravens become the Turkeys as will the athletes from St. Thomas More.

The state D1 football champions are now the Newark Nerds. The Glasgow Dragons become the Glasgow Gutless and the Christiana Vikings change their name to the Crybabies.
The William Penn Colonials are deep in tradition but they will now have to start all over with their new mascot the Weakling.
The Vikings of St. Elizabeth are now the Lightweights.
There are two teams called the Spartans and since that name alone can make other teams uncomfortable let’s make Lake Forest the Fairies and St. Marks the Mama’s Boys (and girls).
The Smyrna Eagles are now the Chickens, and in Lewes teams will take on the Cape Henlopen Candyasses.
The McKean Highlanders nearly escape a mandated name change but to suggest that anyone is "higher" up than anyone else is arrogant so make them the Lowlanders.
The Force of Wilmington Charter School are now the Farce, at Delmar they are now known as the Duds and say hello to the Dickinson Doormats when traveling to Mill Creek.
Delaware Military Academy will just have to be torn down brick by brick and all of their teams disbanded because, in this environment, we simply cannot raise men.
One of our schools is in real deep doo-doo and a lot of work is necessary for those Indian River Indians. Let’s stay on point and go with the Native American River Native Americans. (Then just shoot me in the head to ease my agony)
The Middletown Cavaliers are walking a tight line here. The change that needs to come is for the swords in the logo to go and be replaced with something less frightening like a bouquet of flowers.
You may think that the St. Andrews Saints are safe but since there is a cadre of communists out there that want to ban any mention of anything remotely religious from our schools and government institutions they will have to use their alter ego the Cardinals….nope, hang on….Cardinals are the next step away from Pope so we can’t have that either. How about the Angels? Not a chance with this line of thought. Let’s go with the St. Andrews…wait, now that I think about it, ALL teams that have Saint or St. in them have to drop that word also. So at the banks of Noxontown Pond in Middletown teams will compete against the Kids in Those Dorms by the Lake.
Both teams that were the Warriors are now the Worriers. That would mean Sanford and Wilmington Christian. The Red Lion Christian Lions are now the Rabbits. Since we have now mentioned both Christian schools of note it is important again to encourage that the word Christian be dropped altogether as is the similar type of case with the Catholic schools.
Not all nicknames will have to entirely go since some schools must have known for quite some time that these changes were forthcoming.
The Sals of Salesianum can stay the same since Sal is short for Sally, which is a girl’s name already.
Everyone likes the Auk of Archmere (whom I heard call into the Dom Giordano show the other day on 1210) but no one knows what an Auk is, so to be careful not to offend anyone we’ll just rename them the Penguins. Now one may think that the name Penguin might be associated with the violent sport of hockey and the team from Pittsburgh, but trust me here, no one is afraid of the Pittsburgh Penguins anymore.
The Tower Hill Hillers can stay the same, although I don’t really know why they would. It isn’t really that creative of a name, but it certainly isn’t offensive.
The Padua Pandas are ok because Pandas are pretty cute.
Last, but not least, at Wilmington Friends the Quakers stay the same. Most of this stuff is taught there anyway so it stands to reason that nothing would change.